How small actions can make a big difference to children.
Standing up for Josh
Jill had noticed that her 9 year old nephew, Josh, had not been very happy for a few months. He had been grumpy and quick to become angry. He was normally pretty relaxed sort of child. Every time she had asked him about how he was going, he had just shrugged his shoulders and told her that she would not understand. Jill had talked about it with her sister, Josh's mum, but she had just dismissed it as Josh.s first step towards adolescence.
Jill was not satisfied so organised to take him out to see a movie he had been wanting to see. At the movies, Jill was persistent but low key. She kept asking Josh to talk about what might be upsetting him. Josh did not open up straight away. He finally started to cry and told her he was sure that she would not believe him. Jill was a little nervous but reassured him. Josh told her that his stepfather had sexually abused him. Josh said he had given hints to his mum, but she had not picked up on them.
Jill was shocked and a little frightened about what to do. They worked out a way to tell Josh's mum together. When they did, Josh's mum called the police and had his stepfather charged. The step father was asked to leave the family home and have no further contact with Josh or anyone else in the family. Josh felt safer. They organised counselling for him. He slowly began to be himself again.
Jill had taken the time to follow her concerns for her nephew. Even though she was not sure about what to do, she created the space to help him to talk. She then worked out a plan about how to help Josh and his mother and stop the abuse. Josh needed his aunt to stand up for him. When she did, Josh was able to be protected.
Bill & Peter, family breakdown
Mike was the coach of the local under 14 years football team. He had been worried about Bill, a dad of a child on his team. Bill used to be really involved in training. He was one of the first to be in for a weekend away with the other dads. Lately, he had withdrawn and would stand by himself at games. A couple of other dads had tried to talk to him but he had waved them away and had asked to be left alone.
Bill's child, Peter, was also withdrawing. He had missed a lot of training and was not his usually spirited self. He was generally a leader on the field. But now, spent most of the time in the back pocket waiting for the ball to come to him.
Mike decided to drop in on Bill and Peter one night after training. Mike could not have been more surprised and worried about what he found. Bill was sitting on the couch looking drunk. Peter was in his room just sort of staring at the wall. Peter's mother was nowhere to be seen. The house was in a terrible mess.
Bill told Mike that he had separated from his wife four weeks ago. He was struggling to know how to deal with change and had begun drinking. He broke down and started to cry because he knew he wasn't being the sort of dad that he wanted to be for Peter. He was particularly worried because he was getting more and more angry with Peter and had almost punched him the night before. He had never been like with Peter before and it frightened him.
Mike and Bill spoke for hours and worked out that Bill would talk to the counsellor at Peter's school. The next day, the counsellor saw Bill and told him she had also noticed a change in Peter's behaviour. He was more quiet and more sad. The counsellor referred Bill to a counsellor to help him with the separation. He started talking to Peter about the impact of his parents separation on him.
The counselling helped Bill and Peter. Bill picked up the pieces and started to act like a loving dad again with Peter. Mike had helped because he had followed up his concern about Bill. He wasn't meddling in Bill's family. He reached out to Bill and offered support at a really low point in his life.
Adopting Samantha
Pia and Kane had never thought of themselves as foster parents. But they saw an ad on TV about fostering and decided to look into it. They went through the process of becoming trained and accredited with their local foster care agency.
The first child to come and live with their family was Samantha. She was a small girl who had been forced to endure years of her dad's physical and verbal abuse of her mother. She was jumpy and very anxious little girl. She had nightmares. She rarely slept through the night. Looking after her, Pia and Kane found themselves needing to be patient.
Pia and Kane used the support of the foster care workers to establish a routine for Samantha that seemed to really help her feel safer and more secure. They have come to love Samantha like their own child. Samantha, in return, calls them her mum and dad. She will probably live with them until she is old enough to leave home.
During the training, Pia and Kane found out that there not enough foster carers to be able to look after the number of children who needed to be protected from abuse and neglect. Their experience had been stressful but rewarding. Their decision to volunteer to become foster parents had changed and enriched their lives. It had also given Samantha a chance to experience her childhood again, free from the devastation and trauma of family violence.
